I did, but it turned out so bad that I was so disgusted to look at it... teared it and threw in trash.
Nothing is for no reason. Because I can't draw... it means that emotionally I've been feeling so stuck in one place. Like... "it's not okay..."
It's not okay....
My thoughts are taking me back to my visions that I've seen in my dream world... a black, large canadian timber wolf looking dog with lime green eyes. Next to him, there was sister, that had artistic "spill out" white markings on brown coated mask and spotted body. She had large golden eyes. They weren't pretty looking greenland dogs, quite weird but had "eyes of soul". They carried names, the black one was Altair and female was A'Vega...
They were my puppies.
For whom I've been waiting for a good forever. I've been impatiently counting down the last days, preparing for their birth. Thinking about them every day and awaited for my children, Altair - who was meant to stay with us. My little Altair... My dream. My dream litter of puppies after Arnaq and Ulvar that I sought for a very long time, I keep telling people that I'm not just a breeder but I treat it something way, way more than anything that I can't explain. For entire time with my great friend that we carry collaborated litter of puppies, we felt so emotional about it like literally we were mothers/pregnant!
On 36th day of Arnaq's pregnancy I've went on pregnancy control tests to check how everything is processing at the best vet.
I was staring on the computer screen, waiting for the informations or pictures of puppies with tingly excitement. I've seen something for a moment but I'm not sure what's going on... Then the whole team of vets came to see and that's where I've received breaking news that Arnaq is on... 100% not pregnant! I'll save writing a text answering why, but that happens rarely and it's just not lucky happening. Other than that, everything else is OK, good and healthy in Arnaq's that area. No infections or malfunctions. It's just Arnaq's unique tolerance of getting pregnant is really low due to her hormonal liquids. Even it was quite successful mating twice times.
It felt very, very painful knowing it's not going happen and dreams just stay only dreams. And it felt literally... like a losing children.
Of course, the litter is now re-scheduled on 2015 year. In next year we will be trying to mate her through controlled method where for sure we'll know her "limited" estrus phase unlike last time. No surprise why mating her was extremely difficult.
Technically it would be not a big deal, our dreams are not over but that's not just this... I'm just afraid of something, that it may never happen. You never know what can happen in next year.
Just I feel like I can't collect myself after hearing these news.
I feel like the vision of Altair and A'Vega is just only dream...
That's the feeling of that's just not okay...
Tl;dr : FOR PEOPLE WHO WERE INTERESTED IN OUR PUPPIES: the litter is moved for the next year, 2015.
After very long time of waiting for the right moment both in the space and time, finally I am expecting to have official Greenland dog litter collaborated with my trusty friend and Nordic Storm kennel… where mother is going to be my Arnaq!
There is a long story behind which involved a lot of planning and a few of amazing happenings that led my one of my (impossible) dreams to come true- but that's story for another time. I'll have my own Greenland dog/Gronlandshund/Greenlandic Inuit Dog/Qimmiq litter of puppies (and very first GH dogs for United States!) - where parents are going to be my Arnaq (dam) and Ulvar (sire)!
Bragging out is definitely not in my style but I can't resist that where I must mention as being an active person in Gronlandshund activities- I think this litter will be one of the best ones with it's purpose as working dogs since centuries- for western country climate, of course.
And yes, we are keeping one dream-puppy with us, Altair, a black shadow who will cross the whole world. He'll stay with my friend but will be actively mushing with me.
Aha! I'm announcing it, in case to see if there is anybody on DA who would be interested in a real Gronlandshund puppy from us. I used to find homes for the dogs in the need through my deviantART where I successfully found amazing homes for homeless sled dogs. They are doing wonderfully at new responsible, good homes from DA people. Some of them lead amazing mushing lifestyle in the US.
We may have some available puppies for sale, we are open for reservations right now! If you are interested in an puppy from us, please send an email leonheart (at) onet.eu where we can discuss.
I'd suggest to read the simple FAQ below and make sure if you know everything before contacting with me:
More informations about who are Gronlandshund/Greenland Dogs/Inuits: exileden.deviantart.com/journa…
In United States and the rest countries in World (besides Europe, Russia and Greenland), Gronlandshund are basically unknown canine breed. In Canada, I know only 2 people who own GH since CKC registered it's as a dog breed. Thus, AKC (for USA) does not recognize this dog breed, but on the better news, Gronlandshunds/Greenland Dogs are fully allowed/legal to participate in any mushing races in entire US and Canada (because in US, race rules about purebreed/Nordic dogs; GH are allowed in class along with Samoyeds, CED and Malamutes). So, I'm hoping that our kennel's will have very first Gronlandshunds base "started" in states Not as a dog breed that could be considered in US but the whole mysterious passion for these canine species.
It's also your chance to own the first one, with proper bloodline for it's country (no 100% "raw" bloodlines (i.e. pure import from Greenland) could cause a lot of mess in a country which "never had experience with these canines"- as it's said by Norwegians).
Anyway, back to that! Let me to present teh parents… as black&white parents …
Father: ULVAR Nordic Storm.
A beautiful, full black with ruby red fur with bear-like face. The dark Knight. He is one of the best personality-wise Greenland dogs I've ever met. When you look at his eyes… his eyes are the doors straightly leading to his soul. He is very emotional and smart dog, and as well, caring a lot about owner, like Arnaq. As for a "difficult breed known as Greenland dogs", his personality is truly amazing. Ulvar is a perfect working dog and as a leader, which I don't need to write a lot about it… besides the proven fact- he has toughly defended the 1st place in World Championship races and many top positions European as well at international Sled Dog races- bringing a fruitful pride for Poland, a country to be known having the finest sled dog mushers. But that's not the most important thing, just that… he is a very unique and healthy dog, carries a lot of valuable traits to keep the truly Gronlandshund in it's natural type. I have a very strong faith, he will give wonderful puppies and close to Greenlandic ones.
Mother, the Ville Siegstad's line: Twinkling Nova's ARNAQ.
I really regret now that I never had any chance to share my amazing, unique stories that I've had with Arnaq, some might make people to cry. Most things I really keep to myself. Arnaq is the most emotional dog I've ever met, her metaphor of feelings and behaviours are strongly reflecting like human's. Smart, well mannered and avid observer. As working dog, she is a very intelligent, quickly learning, excellent leader, hard worker and extremely fast runner. She is running in solo mode on skijoring and bikejoring- which not many of Greenland dogs have ability like Arnaq does. More interesting part of her is her bloodline, that is from Greenland. Her father, Gimli, is a pure, real Inuit Greenland Dog from legendary hunter Ville Siegstad, Ilulissat. He finished many long distance races in Norway and Lapland in Iditarod type. Arnaq carries most personalities from Greenlandic line.
But what makes the puppies more unique is that litter is the parental love. The parents has chose eachother and paired (via pheronome linkage) on their own. Not paired by the breeder's decision! Thet had strong feelings each other (without heat!) to simply name... that's how the Nature picks the best selections.
Coat-wise and body shape wise, we are expecting long-leggend, strong bulit dogs and more likely puppies may have bear-like/Ulvar-like faces.
We may get: fully black with white markings/gray wolf alike fur/ coyote-alike fur with a lot of markings/ totally white with little gray markings/ black&white with mixed markings/gray&white with mixed markings.
Both dogs are absolutely guaranteed to be excellent working dogs in sled, especially for mushers or people who plan to do sled dog activities- as well great companion for humans. They are very healthy, passed all tests positively and have a HD-A result at dr. Siembieda. All puppies will have a FCI pedigree.
If you are interested in getting a real Greenland Dog puppy from us, feel free to email me, where we can discuss: leonheart(at)onet.eu Or via note. We are now open for Reservation Listings.
Only serious people, please. Preferebly for active people, mushers or had experience with wolves, wolfdogs or primitive/difficult dog breeds.
Feel free to ask questionsl.
Also, since I don't consider myself as a breeder, I'm more a dog-rescue type of person and not fan of breeding (especially I hate overbreeding so much or for the dog shows only!)- I only support where breeding is having very strong reason i.e. having perfect/very rightful dogs to keep the breed's existence on safe line, keep strong and healthy working dogs and so on. This chance which I have, is the only since I consider as a perfect bloodline for it's purposes- it may be my last breeding! I never know when I'll have opportunity like that… Plus, the dogs may go to United States as the first Gronlandhunds, so it has to go with very good settling with right/proper bloodline (and hopefully, obviously get in very responsible, good hands of people!) They may open a new existence in AKC, who knows!
Where the puppies are located?
In Europe. They will be born in south Poland (Wroclaw area, closer to mountains) at my friend's kennel in the countryside.
Are able puppies to be transported worldwidely?
Yes! Pickup from our kennel and the delivery of puppies is intentional To add in: I am experienced "dog importer". I've imported some Greenland Dogs from different countries to owners, and also imported a few rescue dogs to another countries via flight. Occasionally I fly with my dog from East Europe to USA, she made many thousand miles of flight with a big care and safety.
Options For Europe: you can pick up in Poland on your own travel/I can transport your dog to your destination (on your cost)/or, during Mushing Season (starting from November), our befriended mushers i.e. Waldemar Stawowczyk, who is traveling through bavarian Europe for mushing events and pick up can be arranged with him. Or pick up at i.e. important mushing events such like European Championships. There are so many options, which are possible to work out.
Option For USA: The great news are, to avoid large costs, on this year's December I have friend who will be flying from Poland to USA and can take up two puppies- which can turn out very cheaply! The puppies will be grown and ready to leave to new homes at that time. All you have is to pick up the puppies from International Orlando Airport (FL). Worldwide: We can work our something
Personally, for me, as a dog importer it's not a problem. The buyer must cover importing costs, but that can be negotiated (i.e. since I'm traveler and if I want to travel around your area, the costs can be cut down ) Also, please be informed and to know the rules of your country about bringing a dog from another country! Australia has the worst restrictions.
When the puppies will be born and when delivered to new homes?
It's expected to be born on middle of September, 2014. They will be able to leave the "nest" when they will reach 2-3 months of their age- so around Nov/Dec.
How much is for the puppy?
The exact price will be informed privately ( approx. 1000-1500 USD), for only serious buyers. The price is also negotiable, because our the best interest is to locate in the right homes and at trusty people- who will devote for them for entire it's life, provide a good quality of living and certainly will threat their dog as own children no matter what difficulties are. The problems and difficulties with the puppy is always caused by the human, wrongly raising the dog.
While acquiring this puppy, you must feel unconditional love for that dog on the first place, than expectations i.e. this must be a great sporting dog.
I support people thinking that: "My life journey will start with a legendary Greenland dog…." Instead of "I have the best, winning Greenland dog! I hope they prove their value to other people" No. Nope. Our great line of dogs is not bragging to other Greenland dog people and others.
Who can get a puppy? Who is the good "owner" for the dogs?
Is it only restricted to active mushers?
Because of the great potential with dogs, I'd prefer the puppies to go to active mushers. However, it works like that: I'll be very picky to whom my puppies will go. I am my little ones like my own children, with all love and I bet it will be kind of heartbreaking experience to let them go to new people. You may be a great musher, experienced but not a with a heart person for dogs (like musher named A.B. who changes her greenland dogs like gloves)- my puppies will go faster for non-sporting people, not having perfect living conditions but on 100% devoted with a love, discipline and passion with that dog breed (like me, how I started it out).
Basically we are looking for trusty, very responsible people, who had experience with difficult dogs or wolves and have a lot… of spiritual understanding to Nature's power. And has possibility to devote a lot of time and love and lead active lifestyle (i.e. canicross, biking with dog etc.) We are not only restricted on mushers. They can go to normal people (in non-sporting way) and who knows, their mushing career may start from just owning the first, with great potential greenland dogs who could teach them- like how it has happened with Waldemar Stawowczyk, the World Champion in mushing- where they got their first greenland dog pair without any expectations but with a love for them, the rest has came by itself .
Can I import a Gronlandshund to United States?
Yes! And now it's a very rare and unique chance to not miss: on December there is a special flight to USA from Poland! The puppy will be prepared for the flight under care of my partner (who will be flying to US) and will have all paperworks done, i.e. Pet Passport, vaccinations and chip- and a FCI pedigree. All you have is to arrange pickup the puppy from Florida (Orlando/St.Augustine area).
And what about Dog Shows or races in US since AKC doesn't recognize this dog breed?
Gronlandshund doesn't exist in USA. Due to all official records and informations, I am the first Gronlandshund owner in US. However, for mushing races, events and competitions it's not a problem. Because all races in States are recognized with CKC also (CKC recognizes Gronlandshunds) .
Activities with Gronlandshund if I am not a musher? Travelling with them?
Having a Gronlandshund is more than any other pet. Sure, it's a dog, but it's as exciting as owning a wolf or unknown creature. They are known as the strongest and most powerful mushing dogs, both in long distance expeditions and sprint races. Besides mushing, Gronlandshund is amazing companion for backpacking traveling. They are true, devoted travelers. Other than that, get sucked into sports of skijoring,bikejoering, canicross etc.
Also they are born to be travelers. I travel a lot and I never met a perfect dog for travels, despite that GH is a wild and untamed instincts dog- apparently became a very good companion and easily readjusting-able on new situations! There is a reason and long story answering why, but not for this time. They have no issues with flights, they have been boating for centuries, they like long car drives or sitting in the crowded buses and staying silent. If you think having a Gronlandshund will bond you from travels, no, take him/her on Himalayas. It will stick like a glue on your side, comfort you in darkest hours and defend you against the unexpected dangers. They will sacrifice. Of course if you will devote a lot of time, love, proper raise with proper communication etc. like your own child. Yes, GH is like a child. Not a dog where can be treated as 2nd category, where many dog breeds submitted to humanity and allowed humans to be treated lower- GH did not submit. GH will NOT tolerate your bad treating them.
How Gronlandshunds are like with their temperament/behaviour in comprasion to i.e. husky, wolfdog etc?
GH are nothing like husky. Closer to a wolf, but not really. Not a dog. They are a unique piece of nature. They are completely different, separated canine species- An arctic, ancient Inuit canine spiecies used for hunting and transporting in extreme conditions, lived on human's side for centuries to survive. A lot more information is written here: Is that true that Gronlandshund is considered as the toughest dog breed in the world? Yes. They are not a "dog" anymore that can be treated as lower category than human (a pet), they can stand against the owner very easily. They are fully capable to bite the owner. Their psyche, strength and bite force is so powerful. More powerful than i.e. pitbulls. My Arnaq has beated down 3 various pitbulls, GS and an american bulldog. It's all about their powerful psyche. That's why raising a greenland dog should be involved with a lot of care and right psychological understanding. Always have a Caesar Miller inside of yourself But again, raised properly, they tend to be much easier to take care and handle than husky or even German Shephard, as absolutely non problematic pet!
Can I visit your kennel?
Yes, it will be available from late September till November. It's located in touristic traditional village, where there are a lot of traditional resorts and places to stay close to our kennel.
FACEBOOK PAGE of our Silent Ark Kennel and Gronlandshund fans! www.facebook.com/silentark?ref…
At the end.... here is a "derpy" photo of derpy T'Ingvarr (Ulvar's brother) says hi !
Dla tych którzy chcą wejść w świat Concept Art (który jest jeszcze bardzo mało znanym, nierozwiniętym kierunkiem sztuki w Polsce, ale wierzymy że w przyszłości rozwinie się z ogromnym potencjałem- tak jak to się stało w stanach, kiedy mieszkałam w tamtym świecie) w naszym kraju, polecam gorąco nasze szkolenia Concept Artu: potegaobrazu.pl/
W tej chwili trwają zapisy na 6-miesięczne szkolenia, zaczynające się od października do końca marca.
Jako uczestnik poprzedniej edycji, przede wszystkim muszę pochwalić się tam przecudowną atmosferą, bardzo fajny system szkolenia mają (experience points, anyone? ). Wesoło jest i zwykle tam jest bardzo przyjazna grupa ludzi. Wyjątkowo wszyscy wspieramy się, nie ma tam podziałow na tzw. lepszych i gorszych. Wiele można się nauczyć.
Dużo się nauczycie.
Nawet doświadczeni artysci tam odkryli nowe tajemnice swoich skill'ów.
Ja będę tam i służę swoją pomocą
I tam panowie nazwali mnie workiem na ziemniaki
Like a light of hope.
As I mentioned earlier, I really dislike talking about my health issues where I'm not really proud how is my life going lately. And how the days feel like I'm stepping on a very, very thin ice. To put in poetic words, the light is extinguished.
But I found out a place that could be a good, effective chance for my rehabilitation to improve my health situation. After talks with my family, therapist and doctor, we all think it could be a great chance for me. However, the rehab place is quite expensive per a monthy stay.
I am working out to make it as I can since my health is most important.
So, I am exceptionally open for digital, full colored digital speedpaint with nice care with details commissions to cover my upcoming stay. They will be finished within a month.
- The base price is 55eur per one character+background commission.
- Extra characters or detailed characters/themes may cost extra fees.
- Send to me a note on DA if your interested. For OC or Fanart I'll accept only visual character references without any complicated descriptions. No OC's based on written descriptions, I am sorry. Written descriptions are allowed for generic character (non OC), i.e. a wolf howling on hill or ice phoenix rising up from crystals. You are welcomed to request a mood theme like anger, sorrow etc.
- I'll go with my inspirational flow (artistic freedom).
- Paypal payments only.
- The commissioner will receive a full size picture via email for i.e. printing and a Web ready file for i.e. for use on internet.
- The commissions will be finished within a month.
- Terms of Service: exileden.deviantart.com/journa… (No. 5. doesn't apply with these commisions)
SLOTS ARE FILLED UP! THANK YOU!! You can sign up for next month's Waitlist.
Thank you for your support!
Important notice for people who commissioned me earlier (the remaining list): from now the remaining commissions and art projects (especially almost all are in traditional media) are being held until I'll get stable with my health and have proper conditions to work on it's media- for approx. 2-3 months. This series of speedpainting commissions will replace that time for the neccesary reasons of mine with safe timelapse. If you have issue with this, please kindly send a note to me and hopefully we can work out something.
As a side note, small update about Auri: She is getting back on her weight on normalcy. She is now clean and feeling definitely better. She is on the good road now
I had to cut off from work, and ummm the issue was… I went there with my co-worker whith his car. Everything sounded perfect, that dog was in need to be transported to Warsaw by today which is good for me cause after work we are driving back to Warsaw.
Buuuut the problem was… A nice, shiny BMW car.
My co-workers beloved car, plus hes typical urban, clean type guy.
Lacoste shoes, tommy shirt etc. lol.
That already screams in my head: NO, never! He will NEVER want to transport a dog, even an ILL dog. He used to transport Arnaq once, he enough hated that her fur wires were stuck in his car, even singliest one.
But to transport a dog that is infected, dirty, has rotting skin, bleeding under belly and yellowish whities leaking out from skin? Literally a zombie dog?
That was the hardest task for me to work out, persuade him otherwise I'd feel very guilty cause that dog had perfect chance to be saved… but after whole conversation, which I think was funny it worked! I persuaded him.
Once we got that dog... I was making probably thousand excuses to calm him dog since he was all the time freaking out and regretting for agreeing for this deal. But that girl was such angel! So friendly, cute and very, very calm despite of her condition. I feel like she on purpose sat in one position and didn't move at all - and I think it greatly helped my co-workers paranoia of "infecting" his car XD.
Poor thing... My pants had blood spots after her bleeding skin under belly.
There was a moment where he had to stop suddenly and jumped out from the car, cause wanted to pee so badly and Auri (that's how I named that rescue husky dog) immediately stood, and almost jumped out of car to check if my co-worker is okay. I was all noooo you are risking my coworkers anger by moving sooo much! But I thought what she did, it was cute...
But at the end, a big bravo for my co-worker for doing this favor and overcoming this fear. Even he started feeling sympathy for her.
After arriving, I brought her to my home to take care until people from foundation take her to rehab. She was full of life and my Dingo accepted her with love. I really love rescuing dogs from darkness and observing how much of love they get, like giving them a chance for a good life. Honestly, on the other hand I don't like being part of dog rescues because I get attached too much or depressed... y' know, I'm really extremely sensetive human being...
My Dingo invited her to play! She was very alive, but kept falling on the ground due to lacking of muscles and strenght. But she didn't give up and kept playing. I think Auri is a beautiful lady, right?
Auri has great chances for recovery to be a normal dog, though rehabilitation at foundation cost money- she has chances only through good will from kind hearted people who would be willing to donate a few bucks. She lives on donations until she will get a new home.
You can donate for Auri's recovery via Paypal (just any amount, we don't ask much, just 5$ is fine!)
Please put in title: DAROWIZNA DLA AURI
For interested people, especially who donated, I can post updates about Auri's recovery!
Other than that, recent things in my life went drastically worse and also I lost my important chance for recovery and also I caught illness where who knows how long it will take to recover (do not ask about that, I don't like sharing less happy things about my life on public) so for the most time I'll be focused on dogs and animals since they are somewhat... therapeutic for me ?...
For those who aren't familiar with these canine species: exileden.deviantart.com/journa… (I've fixed now a lot of mistakes and added some new infos)
Saga, showering in dim lights of sunset.
She's a Siberian Husky (adopted) anf is stealing a coffee from my friend.
Ulvar. The Dark Knight. He is one of the most lovely and raw spirited Greenlanders I've met...
Blackie and Shantu.
Ulvar and Arnaq are couple. They have quite fascinating story of their relationship, a mixture of extreme fascination eachother, love and hate. Ulvar is very caring man, expressing nice gestures which Arnaq really enjoys... their expression of "romantic" moments are very similar to humans, with a lot of care.
The Arctic one. Arnaq's brother, named Viggo.
Confrontation. Viggo has very strong position in the pack hierarchy. He expresses his position to Ulvar. He doesn't seems to very happy that Ulvar is having the rights to potentially mate his sister, because that automatically shoves off Ulvar onto higher rank without natural confrontations.
Ulvar has very unusual Greenland dog's coating. It's fully black, with ruby red fur shades.
The whole thing with "love" with Inuits, is very interesting. It's rather a huge bomb of various behaviours and emotions. They are very, very fierce and aggressive within their rituals. They get into fights - I think that's sort of demonstration, I believe these fights have a "reason" within mating process.
Arnaq snapped his nose during play and he got really pissed because it hurted him.
When the days are very hot....
Also, I have big plans ahead; we are planning an official Greenlandic dog litter after Arnaq with the dark knight... More of it will come in next journal, we are still in the process of mating them.
My apartment rental is over in next three days
I can't believe that time has escaped so quickly and here I am, once again in stressful phase with apartment hunting! I really liked that place which I'm renting from a friend, it has been very therapeutic, positive and peaceful stay. ^__^ I needed it for rehab/therapeutic reasons and it has worked pretty well, especially, I'm going through difficult situation in the life, very tearing one- my parent's divorce. If I could, I'd leave and travel somewhere for long term but I will not do that- as long as Dingo is alive.
Art wise, I am still drawing a lot, I do think I've improved- just I'm not posting on DA a lot. I've been taking Concept Art master classes for a few months and I really enjoy it.
I've been wondering… since devART isn't the same as it was before for me, I am thinking- what kind of art/posts would you like to see from me? What do you want me to post? Of course, obviously by that I don't mean I'll be following what others tell me, absolutely not. I'm just wondering cause I'm not really sure about my dA... ; )
Just reminder that tomorrow at evening auction is over! And I've decided to reveal original painting from Khaosdog that is included in artpack here as a rare opportunity.... and sort of "presentation" how the prints look like and how well they go hanged on the wall! (I've got too lazy to do with my art (you know when you see your art every day XD...) so I'll present just khaos' ones!)
(The original painting is obviously without bothersome watermark)
This is how Art Magazines (by Khaos) look like:
Ragnarok Prints are signed by Khaos and Me
Links to Auctions:
And somebody asked me a question if I hang my own artwork in my room: no I don't
When I say about italian pasta with strawberries and cream with sugar, most of my foreigner friends faces were expressing "yuck!" like it was a bad combination. It's rather popular in Poland.
I thought to share it
I love it not only for refreshing taste but it's very easy to make. I love tasting food and I'm sort of interested in culinaries but I hate cooking. I can't stand being kitchen. Also I'm lazy with making food but more in meaning... I don't like wasting time on it But that's how I am.
Simply it's pasta with crème fraîche (kind of sour cream)/or kefir/or natural yogurt, fresh chopped strawberries and with brown sugar.
Healthier alternative is brown rice instead of pasta.
I don't plan anything crazy on my birthday. I'll just keep it modest, simple, without any expectations and mostly I'll focus on myself- on what I really want and set up my goals. Then I'll focus more on apartment hunting...
And maybe have a beer with Arkelion and Caroline
Lately I've had quite inspiring discussion with inspiring people about how today we live with conviction about our dreams, especially the ones from childhood are stupid and how our dreamt goals are lower in the hierarchy where usually the top things as main focus in mainstream lifestyle are i.e. normal job (usually not what we wanted to do/pressured by society), getting a lover and then make a family- where at the end we never have time to do what we really wanted to do in our hearts, we feel somehow unhappy and so on. We are trained and manipulated to put down our true goals in order to serve the economic world and follow what is easy/known for us. And to laugh at people who want to pursue their dreams. Tell others that "hey, you should be a lawyer" than letting them (and accepting, or even supporting..!) to choose what they want.
And why we cant realize our dream is not about possibilities that are required to fulfill the Eclipse (the goal ), but the real issue is to break out from the "system" - where it requires really, really, really strong will to break out from what we have been fed with fake beliefs, doubts and pressure by society (i.e. give up on that! you cant get job! Get life, reality is sad, life is not fantasy! Be a lawyer/doctor etc. because it's real job and main reason to live! Or laughing family at you… etc. etc.) That once again, require lots of faith, inner strenght and peace in yourself.
To overcome all doubts that you have been fed with.
The whole set of "bad", iron codes in your subconsciousness is usually main reason.
Believing others what they say, following others than listening yourself.
That is really very difficult road to overcome.
Recently I've got quite inspired by Paul Bragiel - I think some people heard about him- a man who realizes crazy, very impossible his dreams. Dreams from his childhood. The most powerful dreams of what we want to achieve in our lives are the ones from childhood because while being in state of child, our mind used to be more pure and clear (with "what I want") before we are brought, manipulated into the society and it's "values". As you have probably noticed, the dreams from childhood usually get vanished quite fast from the pressure by society/adults(oh, the greeeeeaaaat adultsss. I'm older than ya, so you gotta hear me!) and at the end you think "My dream from childhood? Naaaaah it's stupid. Everybody was laughing so maybe I should focus on reality/I cant do that, my friends/teachers/parents said that i cant, it's worthless and I should be focusing on gaining perfect scores from school".
I have a great story of my unusual dream... which I completely scratched it. Someday I'll tell about this for you guys.
Anyway, back to Paul- if anybody haven't heard about him, I highly recommend to read his story. That real story is very motivating. It's about strong will and his self motivation with pursuing his dreams. And also failures and moments of doubt- that we all experience this. Like when we experience the moments of doubt, how come that we tend retreating very quickly, even from trying? These moments are far more powerful than motivating ones, even it can lead us to completely give up on our dreams and what we really want.
By this, we also become more open to people, finding better understanding between, respectful and become more kind.
Despise I have many dreams and goals what I want to do whilst I'm very passionate with life and stubborn- but I'll admit that I have many and many difficulties with realizing my dreams. I am very aware of that and mostly it's laying… in my head, in my doubtful part in my subconsciousness. I've been fed with shit that "oh you can't do that" for years, and so, I have hard time to break up this. Mostly it's coming from social problems with people, where I had typical social anxiety and… do you know where my social anxiety came?
It came when at age 4 years old at awful preschool I was forced to eat eggs which I terribly hated, I threw up there and it was awful experience. It gave me gross memories of being in schools. From this it created my eating system to be very complicated (I'm extremely picky what I eat) and even social issues with people at schools! The whole psychological pattern has happened in my subconsciousness by certain events when I was really yoing
Social and self anxiety is a huge set of complicated signals in your minds, such like mishaped perception about others, the outer world (often hostile) and most importantly, inner self- and setting many barriers in order.. "hey, I need to defend myself!!"
Luckily I've straighted out many wrong codes in my subconsciousness but… I still have a lot, lot to do, lol.
Okay, to be back on topic- here is a great example of situation on devART society here:
I can't stand how strangers on DA are bothering to demotivate other aspiring people's dreams, especially the younger ones. I hear a situation… this xxx artist wants to work in Disney with their cartoony style- and that's common situation, where people really tend bullying artists because they dream to be Disney illustrator. OK, often their skills aren't enough good to be in Disney but by comparing, laughing and telling this xxx artist that doesn't deserve to be in Disney and they should get something else- in my opinion, it's quite wrong.
Even as doubtful it sounds, always let them to dream about. It's very, very important when young artists have dreams, even if they are too funny. Let them to carry on this dream and LET them to find out on THEIR OWN if it will work or no.
Because by the behaviour of society, whether it's in school, irl, DA or on internet, depriving their dreams completely strikes out their chances to try out. And by that we are being raised within this hostile pressure, it also bounces back to people who focused on demotivating others.
After dArama- because this artist wanted to be at Disney, was made fun and bullied- it usually causes to strike those artist's chances of just trying.
Better situation would be if they'd strike out their chances at attempts of really trying working at Disney than… just by society.
Unfortunately the most of people's dreams are scratched by society and it's pressure, even without getting any chances to make big steps to approach it.
That's why also… people very often laugh at artists that they shouldn't focus on art but get real job which is doctor/lawyer/whatever social mainstream pressures you to do than what you want to do.
At the end, no matter what is dream/goal/passion etc. even the wild, crazy ones or unbelieveable, how come the major society has tendency to demotivate people from pursuing dreams? Why it is very hard to support someone?
Maybe it's that we don't want to feel "worse" when our friend or even stranger is achieving dreams?
No matter what, I am sticking in doing on what I love . I'll say also, the effort to achieve dream is as twice or more hard as the effort of leading normal, mainstream lifestyle. But I prefer to struggle, suffer and startve, but to reach to the stars. My most favourite quote is "through difficulties to the stars" and it depicts my life pathway. It's really, really hard!
I thank everybody who supported me with my dreams, goals and always motivated me. I hope this will return to you, my friends!
Oh and what I want on Birthday?
- Lucky Charms!!
Howling Wolf - A4, coloured pencils - 35 eur
Cry of Wolves- watercolour and pencil, 30x11.5 cm - 54 eur
Our time is coming, 30x26 cm - 70 eur
Duskfall- watercolour sketch: SOLD
Also, meantime, let me know which of my experimental "styles" do you like for the most?
I swear, most likely I got 1st april's jokes disease!
My April 1st day went so terribly embarrassing, where that day has ended with police action and spies around. All of it has started with typical, innocent joke.
Being inspired where my friends did many text jokes to me, so I was at good mood and thought to do a joke with my family. My friend suggested to do one. Well, I sent a joke that I'm being kidnapped by someone… in the result, it has ended with very quick action organized by my mom where she called every family member, police and the organization to take action to secure my place. It took me a while to figure out, before it's too late to say…
Now I'm bearing a huge embarassment in my heart, everybody is extremely mad at me and I feel that I've failed their trust around people that I care. Though I had no bad intentions, never imagined anybody would take it so seriously on this day, but on the other hand I could have been more cautious that since we are in rough life situation. (sabotages during divorce situations, anyone?)
A beautifu sunny day outside, singing birds and flush green grass field is outside of my window and I'm wearing mask of shame in the corner and drinking so much of tea for the whole mess I've caused. That's how I feel. Oh well.
Did anybody had similar embarrassing situations?
Also! I have a few, inexpensive watercolour originals up for sale. Please send to me a note if you are kindly interested in purchasing one. Thank you!
EDIT: ALL OF THEM ARE SOLD. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
And… I have a little more exciting news that Khaos and I have potential plan to set up a fantasy wildlife art blog together! Where, officially, finally everybody could follow long awaited a little glimpse of Khaos' artwork online! I'd really appreciate for some great support for our small project, it'd certainly help her "to return" by a little into online world.
This journal will be dedicated supporting my dear friends financially and getting them noticed in art world a little bit better.
Firstly, a little known artist, yet very skilled Arkelion is doing commissions. His situation is quite important since he is my close roomate (he came from US to Europe) and requires a longer stay in Schengen because of medical reasons. However, the rules for visa/stay extension are quite weird and complicated, including requires to leave to another country that is outside of Schengen to restart the "entry date" in order to fill paperwork - and that involves a lot of financial action. I am really hoping there will be some of you guys who would be willing commission him, in order to help him financially- and get a wonderful artwork for inexpensive. The originals are much better in person btw.
His prices are from 20$ for the sketch, 20$ for a bookmark, then from 45$ for a full coloured pieces. I'm also offering help for him, where we do small collabissions, where I do sketches- and they are from 60$.
If you are interested, please send to him a Note.
Secondly, a good friend of mine DarkTiger-ex a hobby artist, is taking very inexpensive commissions! She needs a financial support for her education and I'd like to help spreading her out.
For a bookmark, she charges only 5$ (digitally designed, chibi or normal, printed, laminated and filled with feather designs!)
And her coloured pictures with watercolour paints are 9$
I am sorry for that I could not offer anything from myself since I'm absolutely booked out and while I'm not available, I thought help my friends to get spots <3. Thank you so much for helping out my friends!
Since a while, I've been planning my visit to Finland with Arkelion and spend time with awesomesauce TwilitTiger in real life finally. Meantime I'll be participating as a photographer of IFFS European Championship Sled Dog races with Igor Tracz's sled dog team- and that race will be happening on 6th-9th March (we'll be from 7th to 9th).
Here is the website of races if anybody is interested: ec2014.vul.fi/
I must say, I'm very excited for this little adventurous experience and very happy to visit Finland- where my half of bloodline is Finnish (and so is my last name). A hello for awesome Finnish people
However, unfortunately things are starting to be more complicated. Since we, located at Helsinki area have to get to Metsakartano (Rautavaara) but the problem is that we cannot get without car (the closest railway station is 40km away, so basically we are missing any transportation by that amount) and my musher friends can't pick up us due to stake-out and so on.
I was wondering if there is anybody who is from Finland (or who is outside, but interested to visit that race) that can drive a car, and is interested to see race- would like to join with us and we all could get to that place for a couple days? We all are more than willing to share costs of gas and accomondation
I'd absolutely recommend going up on that race, it will be amazing experience. Plus, you'll get to meet our top mushers and dogs!
Just we thought that it doesn't hurt to ask
I'm really excited to announce about Khaos' and my idea to bring unique collaborated artpacks of our artworks on live!
I know how many of you missed Khaosdog's legendary works after she has left her online activity due to independent circumstances- that's why today is the unique moment where her works are officialy up for sale on public where everybody has chance to grab a glimpse of her beautiful copies of works. Some of prints include her newest works that were never released online before!
Khaos says a hi for you guys!
For those who are unfamilar who's Khaosdog, she is one of the most amazing and legendary fantasy wildlife artists. I've did a couple, well known collaborations with her where she did very outstanding colouring job, with surrealistic watercolour style:
All artpacks include handsigned prints by Khaos and me. Unique collaborated prints (such like Ragnarok and Hour of Twilight) are exclusively signed by both of us and they include original artworks drawn by us! (it's not displayed on photos). Please click on thumbnails to view them below! :float:
Let me know if you have any questions
This is a part of your inner self training, organizing what is going on in your mind and a little step with your "Personal Legend" pathway. After doing that small excerise, I've felt so pleasant in myself like floating in clouds despite of my grumpy mood, by imagining that I already did what I dreamt for. After all, it's really fun to do :]
What you have to do is to collect pictures (anything, from magazines, photography or even artwork; you can cut out from magazines or print them out) that represent your thoughts, passions and what you want dream to do/or to be.
Find your life inspirations.
Cut them out and glue everything on your piece of paper. That paper sheet is your MAP and you'd have to fill your map with your "dreams". Those cutout pieces are parts of your dreams, i.e. picture portraying of a woman amongst wolves (if you are passionate with animals, wolves or dream to work in sanctuary) or a man travelling through epic mountains (if you are pursuing to be a traveler or simply if they represent finding a peace or inner journey in yourself. Whatever they represent they must represent your own feelings.) These pictures shouldn't mean directly what is shown and what everybody else would see but what you feel/see, like traveler through mountains doesn't mean only your desire to be alpine traveler but also need of inner journey to set free youself from haunting events from the past that are holding down.
While creating your Dream Map, by gluing picture, you'd have to do some affirmations. Let yourself to soar in your mind, imagine and try to feel that you are actually doing what you want to do. Try to envision, instead of that person, is that you. And then move on next picture etc.
It can be related with anything. Your dreams, passion, dreamt career, inner self feelings, relationships and even your self image, both outer and inner. Of course it's the best to be yourself, but being inspired by people which you idolize, is taking their best traits (i.e. why do you admire this person? For courage. What she done in life, I'd love to be as courage as she is. (not to be like her)) not wannabes of being another person.
Also, don't worry with seeking for the best pictures. Don't hunt for best ones or finding things that absolutely fit you- just do it. It's better to just do map than burn yourself out and whine that you can't find *specific* image.
That moment when you fill things that you are desperated about, for not having "x" certain thing after doing this, you will slightly feel that you achieved this! It helps you to feel inner richness in yourself than focusing on what you don't have.
After completing map, it will show how your life is so rich! Even if they are just thoughts, dreams and not your photos are there… but still, you feel something. Not something big but just even slightiest glimpse of awesomeness. You'll realize that you have to pursue for, how amazing person you are, unique and it will certainly remind that you have dreams. To help you to organize them and find out what you want to do.
Affirmations are extremely important and creative part of your mind and self growth; yet, sadly it's being laughed by uneducated people who dwell in adulthood by following fashionable quote about "dreams =/= reality", having hostile attitude and "well I don't have time for childlish stuff. I better be done with filling my bills".
Here is my dream map, this is my first attempt to do so it's messy XD. I didn't include everything because other stuff are more personal goals/feelings that I prefer to keep to myself, as well family/close people relations. But here is one that I am sharing…
Oh and. Originally, I've did my map traditionally and added notes by inked pen. I think the best is to do by hand/printing out and writing with your favourite pen than digitally- because doing something by hand and with effort, real ink shows your value. How you value yourself, that idea and your desire for fullfilling dreams, self-completion. Traditional one I keep to myself and the other is digitally just to share with people online because is more visible to see what's going on!
1. Lonely Travelling with i.e. motocycle or different transportation.
I'm dreaming to throw everything and go on a massive roadtrip, travelling through the world, do journalism and photograph the beauty of life. Both in literal and mental meaning. I'm a little closer for that….
Everything related writh travels, always inspire me. Everything. Even in most twisted way.
Inspiration from ghetto areas, slums and an opposite to popular belief of beauty and comfort. Something that is raw. Like "The Bronx" atmosphere. Shredding light. I have such huge weird fascination of it, is beacuse it taught me to see things differently on personal level. Seeing things what many people don't see. Empathy. Fragility. Thanks for my trips to ghetto-ic areas and exploring, my experience in psychiatrist hospital was far more unique!
That inspires me to harden myself and finding beauty in strange places, heck not just places but life situations.
I'm dreaming to do series of inspiring photographies based on slums and ghetto areas from cities and of citizens.
Photographer Chris Arnade is my big inspiration.
That picture is painted by Jonas De Ro, amazing inspiring artist… where I hope to learn painting on whole new level like that, someday That's why it has a little spot in my inner map.
3. Mushing through Greenland/Arctic.
It has been always my biggest dream to sail through heavens raw arctic circle by mushing on traditional sleds pulled by team of wild, pure greenlandic dogs. As a life journey.
My life goal is a desolated place "Aunerit- The Thunder Lake". In both physical and spiritual meaning.
4. Hang gliding, skydiving and pilot.
They represent the freedom, feeling of dimension, dreamscapes and more importantly "overcoming the impossible". Someday I'll tell you my story related with this.
Specifically, this maps out my dream to become aerial photographer/artist and maybe a pilot. Also on personal level unveils my feelings of freedom in my inner self. I want to remove my self "boundaries", limited thinking. I should overcome what limits myself i.e. "I can't do this!"
This motivates me to pursue what I dream.
5. Pair with Wolfdog in Himalayas.
Dreaming to do a great journey (and maybe someday write a travel book about me and a dog) with my Arnaq. Traveler and a dog and be stuck in certain place for many months. Dog is human's the best friend.
Also, that represent more my little dream of having a partner that is also passionate about travelling, isn't afraid of the world, open minded, passionate, loving animals etc… I'm dreaming to have a partner /or even friend/ to travel together and share our passion and fascinating with the life itself
6. Artwork and awesome, in industry working artist.
Nothing much to say, everybody can guess that. It's all related with artist's career XD.
7. Aliy Zirkle, Zanita Morgan, Marek Kaminski and some inspiring people here.
Some of prople that I get inspired. For their courage, reaching for dreams, making impossible and amazing inner-self strenghts that overcame all mental boundaries. I am hoping to learn the bests from them. Especially I fucking admire women who are very unusual, adventurous, strong yet sensetive, passionate and do impossible which are far opposite to it's stereotypes.
8. Mushing races, animals and Iditarod.
Mushing has been passion of mine since forever and I'm dreaming to participate in long distance races such like Fedmundloppet or maybe even YQ as a journey with dogs that I love.
Animals represents that I want to get involved more in animal activities to support them.
Iditarod is…. a fucking reminder to send my photoreportage of Iditarod race for National Geographic PL/or other magazines because of my depression/laziness/complaining I've missed that opportunity. Witnessed that, have a great material yet never published them, even I had a large interest from other people!
A note to myself: don't ever do this again.
9. Dudesons. Horse with stunt trick and dumb craziness.
A little dream and part of myself that I've forgot. Or I'm ignoring. I've been always fond for craziness, stunts and doing very unusual things. I am ignoring myself due to that pressure "I must be mature" from society.
"Horse" - is a reminder of what I really want to do on this year, get back on horseback riding and interact with horses that I love.
10. A little paradise.
A place that I've been raised in childhood… A point of my past. It's where "everything has started out". My dreams and very important memories lies in the place called Calpe de Playa, where I was raised as a child. For years this place from childhood keeps appearing in my dreams while sleeping. I've been wanting to visit it, no, it's something where my heart tells me to visit- a point of my past.
A personal journey. I must bring it on, someday.
My map will be expanding from time to time . With Dream Maps is where you are ought to take care it like your inner child, expanding it, by adding your new pieces of feelings and dreams. It will be reminded how awesome person you are, taking care of YOURSELF and pursue for dreams!
If you like that idea, try to create your Dream Map and please share it here!
All images are belonging to their respective owners.
PS: Sketch Trades are still ongoing! I haven't yet fully decided with chosing people:
Sketch TradesI feel a little upset due I've failed with apartment hunting. After lots of time devoted for apartment hunting in certain area which I must get before Feb, I've finally found one… I was so happy and relieved, owner accepted me, I was close to put down payment but then,... the owner has changed his mind. Declined, because no longer want to have a dog there. It's so frustrating and upsetting how people are not tolerant to animals, even though my Arnaq is very well raised and clean. Most offers I've tried, all of them declined mostly because of pet. That kind of pressure makes me to quit having even singliest pet in my thoughts.
So, I've thought to do a little pleasure for myself, for distraction- heck, I've been wanting to do that since forever but due to very busy art schedule in between working on commissions, job, portfolio work and projects - I have absolutely no free spot for that. But now, I thought just do it, in the way where it doesn't harm my art
So, I've thought to do a little pleasure for myself, for distraction- heck, I've been wanting to do that since forever but due to very busy art schedule in between working on commissions, job, portfolio work and projects - I have absolutely no free spot for that. But now, I thought just do it, in the way where it doesn't harm my art schedule. I'd like to get them done quickly on my freetime evenings in that way I wouldn't harm my schedule. I'll admit I miss old times of interacting with DA people. I've made some friends through art trades where we felt eachother bonds. I think art trade is more than just drawing, but a form of communication/interacting with other person.
I'll take a few slots for sketch trades with interested people- please simply leave a comment with your character references/or short description what do you wish me to draw under this journal ^___^
I'll be making choices based on my own preferences of what I feel to trade with/what would be interesting to draw/what I'd like to get based on skill/style. It's not first come, first serve or anything else etc.
If I decide to choose you, I will let you know and we can discuss details ^^
If you aren't picked for trade, please don't take offence. I am sorry if anybody would feel upset for being not chosed but please respect my choices, okay?^^
- I will draw creatures, humans, animals, landscapes, fanart… I'm pretty flexible for ideas.
- I'll let you know what characters I'd like you to draw for me. Mostly you may expect of Xolotlan, G'Kilaq or other never revealed my charactes as well humans.
No, he is not ready to leave the world... he wants to live as it seems..!
It's the third day that he is with us. And the first day for me where I feel mentally a bit better and I'm eating properly.
He has really shocked everyone. His mentality, he is doing very well, happy, full of life and is fully responsive! How he was acting, managing and behaving in such that state of health- that was something really incredible. The vets gave him very difficult chances of recovery and worried about brain damage that occured him because the first days after accident (when he was at clinic) he was in very tragic condition with mentality. Despite that he was moving his head like a fine dog, he had absolutely no responses. Pretty much like zombie.
Now, thanks to all love, support and warm response he received from us, family, grandparents visited also and friends that came, spoke, took care and spent time with him he has returned to that kind of mental state like accident never happened. He has "recovred" from post traumatic mental issues. He is very happy acting. His facial expression was very clear that he wants to be with us.
Healthwise with his physical body, we are still unsure how things are going. We have to visit clinic for checking/consultation with RTG tests to see if his joint has returned and grown up in pelvis. He is still absolutely unable to walk or move... but today he is walking by a very, very little! Crawing, with diffuculties but does improvement that is moving better, can move to his favourite spots in our house. Thus, I'm not sure if that's happy news that he is finally having real steps of healing.... or pretending, like that legs are still in bad condition/joint is not healing but he forces himself out. He is very good at hiding pain. I can't wait to visit clinic! The worst feeling is of unknown. Like you are not sure if things re better or worse and that leaves me being in anxiety. I have already so much of soothing and joy feeling seeing him doing better mentally.
That was on Saturday. He was laying down 24h. He couldn't move. Besides lifting up his head and a bit paws. He had to lay down to let legs slowly recover. Those were the hardest times for us seeing him vulnerable.
Petting, scrubbing, touching and talking warm words for him were the best what we could do- and leave him in peaceful nap times. His response was improving quickly. Giving him favourite treats was most exciting thing to see because he was slowly responding nicely! Meantime I was giving him medicines regulary, treatments and massages to help.
And that was yesterday on Sunday, where he has improved a lot into fully responsive, happy dog like before he was. Family has visited us and he was very happy.
His favourite bone for chewing. He didn't want to give back!
Every day Dad and I are taking him on stretchers outside. He enjoyed being outside. Was very playful, was "wrestling" with stick with me!
Overally, that makes definitely a lot more difficult for me to make that final decision if I had to do. After visit at the vet clinic, more likely we will know what is next. But, if the health condition won't improve up to level of basic comfort, where would be better to make a final decision - at least he'd spend his last days on earth with us happily and full of love than having his head down, being consumed with pain... Honestly I feel really scared and nervous to hear what is going to be next for him...
Once again, thank you for everyone for all comments! They really were comforting. Trust me, I've readed every comment.Listening your stories about pets were really touching. Now I feel very happy to let know you guys small but good news about him. Let's keep fingers crossed!
This is follow up from this journal: exileden.deviantart.com/art/Re…
Why... Just why....?
A few past days, I've been dealing with quite traumatic moments with our family dog- battling for his life.
That family dog, named Dingo, is a very special dog for us- that no other dog in whole universe can replace him for us, in meaning of loving another dog in a very special way how we did to him. (Just to be clear, we have only two dogs: Arnaq as my own dog and Dingo as family dog.) I really regret that I never spoke much about him there but only Arnaq was center of attention.
He is our very first dog. We adopted him as a 5 month puppy when I was... 11 years old! I was a mere child and my brother was 9. I was raised with him for entire childhood until adulthood that where I am right now. All animals that are/were with us are treated with the best love and care from us. All are/were important, but Dingo was more than just a pet as family member. More than who Arnaq is for me. He was a big bro for me. His presence at my family house, seeing his golden in our yard was quite natural like presence of my parents there. He had everything that many dogs could dream of: a loving family, protection, safety, a lot of activities, time spent with nature, swimming in the sea every year and a lot of attention. As nearly 11 year old dog, senior, was very healthy, still kept doing activities as usually... well, besides Arnaq's jealous behaviour. But still, they had amazing time together.
Everything has started from him. My passion to sled dogs, Greenland dogs, sportings, animal activities and canines came from him when I was a child. For entire almost eleven years we had passionate and beautiful story with our family dog.
Unfortunately, about a couple days ago he went through traumatic accident. He went to the clinic for couple days where we were battling for his life.
Dingo is in tragic health condition: internal body damage. Hearing vet's essay of his condition after RTG and tests was very hearbreaking for us. Three major damages are: back spine damage (the least thing to worry), broken pelvis on right leg and his left leg joint has completely fell off from pelvis that caused both legs completely out of function. Basically, he is absolutely is unable to function, nor walk, use his biological needs, stand or even hardly to change position. His half of body is out of function, leaving him into huge pain.
Yesterday we were at very good clinic. There we had promising surgery where they had to fix his leg to joint back. At the first it went good, because the most important part was to fix his left leg and then on right leg pelvis could get recovered before he could use. And that could be the best scenario. Unfortunately his leg fell off just right after session... after few tests, vet had very upsetting expression that chances of saving his leg are very nigh. And that means his basic life needs and comfort would be absolutely gone. Also wheelchair becomes not good option due that he would have necessary few operations that are risky for his life in order to use it. After long discussing and seeking for every other options, there is possibility of serious surgeries but many of vets strongly do not recommend due to his old age that could be very risky and painful surgery. Even if could be successful, the rehabilitation process would be very, very difficult and another series of complications of post-surgerical health issues would pop up. That could set him into odyssey of suffering in order to live...
I and my family are ready to do everything for him, up to limits of his comfort. And we are doing the best as we can for him, amongst the best specialists around us. Unfortunately, as far as it seems, the situation for him is beyond the comfort limits at the moment.... Within next couple days it may lead us to final, yet the most painful decision for me and my family but could be really the best for him...
... is to give him a pair of wings.
I really never thought or imagined of not having him with us anymore. I knew that he would leave from our life at some point, maybe in next two years.... but not that soon..! We really could battle more for him, but again I have no heart to watch him in pain because we really have no idea what results will be. I'm very devastated to have him more but also devastated to watch him in pain. But a friend of mine, experienced musher from yukon told me something beautiful: "For a dog like Dingo's situation it will be better to let him to go, rather than making heroic efforts to keep him going which will just prolong his sufferings. You are already a hero for being able to grant for him all wonderful eleven years since the puppy until the seniority- where it becomes natural time for bodies to return to the earth and soul to high skies."
Right now, he is with us at our family house... and that's the most important, I guess. We decided to comfort his mental pain to let him to be at our warm family house until Monday where next possible surgery/or final decision will be made. He has traumatic brain damage but I know that he certainly is doing mentally better being with us at home. Just now he reacted to my command to bark- as the first decent information received by brain :'). He has good appetite! I made him favourite meal. Though, on sadder news, so far his physical health is not getting better but actually worse...
... I haven't slept for whole night, knowing that my dog is suffering and I feel that. My health issues and eating disorder due to huge stress went much worse. Every day is quite difficult for me...
All I'm asking is to please send prayers and warm thoughts for him and us
Thank you for being such wonderful dog
Firstly, many big thanks for all people who supported my flight back to home (and the biggest for PheonixxFoxx ) Perhaps the goal wasn't met at that amount.... but the rest was just the matter of luck that I were able to fly back :> Thank you again for purchasing my small works!!
Speaking of which.... the flight from FRA-WAW was really, really terrific. My mind for the entire day was "I'll never fly again!", "No more travels and I wil sit goddamn in safe house!" and so on, but knowing myself on the next day I'm all like wanting to get out somewhere.
For entire life I've flown for probably thousands of hours of flights and recently every year I'm on aircraft many times and even been on the steers of the aircraft. And even more, I'm aspiring pilot wanna be as my dream though I'm not able to become one due to health issues and that I'm transhuman- which pretty much crushed my real dreams. Anyway, I'd consider myself as sky person- combining my passion of flying, aircrafts, love to birds and the symbol of freedom with flying: that creates my favourite moment is to get damn boarding pass, get though gates and wait to get to my plane with excitement. Even the biggest turbulences grant no fear to me but enjoyment. Actually I enjoy them because makes less boring feel of flight...
Well, that flight back to home... has really terrified me. I had many moments of small accidents that I've been on that plane but this one... wasn't funny at all. The skies over Poland were covered with extremely thick, thunderstorm-y and basically- bad weather. My plane started to take down and land slowly. The landing was so damn long, whole view from window was covered with white mist. Nothing is able to seen. The fun starts, I think in my head. I like that kind of turbulences. Sharp rain was dingling my window. So, here we go.
I kept staring forth and back, trying to find any glimpse of land. Nothing. It kinda does make me think about Smolensk accident... what if the land is just there above?
Then after some long while, I finally saw anything of land... and wooah, we are damn pretty close! The tall buildings are just right below our plane, that mist was extremely thick... then I felt very sharp turn. It felt like rocket taking off up to the skies. Our plane has shot upwards like, it was about to crash a tall building. It took very sharp upward rush to return to the skies. It nearly crashed a wrong spot. Passangers were panicking and very nervous. Luckily we had safe "escape" upward flight through stormy clouds and drifted for about half hour and re-took landing again. That for second attempt which was very sharp landing but successful.
(view from window for second attempt landing, much better "view" than that first one)
For entire time when we returned to skies, it felt like time was going forever, I was scared, thinking about never going to planes and having mess in my mind- even "life threatening" process of thinking. I wasn't sure how to react or prepare in case if we fail though for the most time I remained physically calm and trying to beat my negativity with positive thinking to influence the situation with energy. It worked actually... But really, I were scared. I really thought it could be end. That would be very same as I could die on car crash or even 3 days ago I had accident on mushing that I hit my head on the ground on full speed and get brain injury... if not that Florida's natural soft grassy fields has saved my life (I'm ok, but just feel dizzy, my head is swollen but I'll be ok). Even now, my way of thinking about flights is fine and I'm looking forward to fly again, but actually might change from now.
Either way, bravo for Lufthansa pilots for their hard work.
After we landed, the lane on the airport was closed and afterwards many flights were cancelled.
Oh and Arnaq did fine. She totally doesn't mind that...
I'm back to Poland. I'm still on "travel shock" mental and physical state due to that suddenly I had to change the world, environment, my lifestyle, people which I care and just everything after living in states for many months. But now seeing Poland... it's truly beautiful country. I need to finally start writing more and posting photos and miracles of every country that I've traveled. But there is a thing I noticed about Poland that I wasn't aware, I used to call it "so boring" until I started to live outside of it- after travelling to many places, now I'm very aware how unique and unbroken with nature is Poland- and there I've came with idea (a while ago) with small project about Poland because very, very little people are aware about that country. I swear, you'll love it.
The reason why I came back to Europe were health issues that went very bad with me and soon I start rehabilitation ;/ But the most important for me is at the moment is to stay positive. Think positively and have good energy the best as I can.
So generally... I think it's funny that I think in way "I will never fly again!!one11!" then now I'm like all I want is to get on flight and go somewhere.
PS: Isn't awesome how that airport in Frankfurt serves very elegant choice of many types tea, coffee, hot chocolate, juices and milk?
Then there we go... I drank too much of
coffee tea during 5 h of layover. Drinking tea makes you want to use bathroom more often, which is a good thing that cleans your body. But going on flight with "too much of tea" was actually bad idea...