My experience of my small lonely, personal travel up to New York City was amazing decision, I've experienced a lot being as a part of the life of grand cities in the USA- which are quite much different worlds than most major cities in Europe. Not as a tourist but I transformed myself being as a New York citizen for several days, to feel in New Yorkish people how they live. As Brooklyn-er, I spent all days wandering along the buildings of that city, sitting down and watching people and the environment riding in the train and exploring between many boroughs and neighborhoods, from overwhelming, very touristic-y, overrated and famous Manhattan to the another side of the world, filled with a lot darker atmosphere- the Bronx.
I've been in New York so many times and since I was very little, yet I've
never seen the real New York. But from when I became a traveler I learned how to find the heart of the city, and so, Manhattan wasn't the real part to see and feel the New York life.
And it's not Manhattan or Queens what fascinated me for the most but the Bronx. There I had the most overwhelming experience, found new inspiration and
I discovered new passion about how I desire to be photography journalist about the life and world. (haha, not the drugs as you might guessed .Just FYI, I very despite and I'm against to the drugs, violence, murders and all sort of immorality in general).
Entering to the Bronx, it's like
. a different world. Different experience. Personally I find a strange beauty in style of falling buildings, projects, falling apart rust from metal constructions and filled with graffiti paintings. I'll never forget a view where twilight shone down on very rusty projects with powerful orange hues of light where rust beautifully reflected the light and the rest of messy areas were covered with blue and purple-ish shadows. And there was a kid was bathing in shines of twilight behind rusty buildings
where I think, he felt that is happy and suited in the life of Bronx
. maybe. I find a mysterious story between the fallen city and a kid.
How all of this has happened...?
Half year ago, when I was out of inspiration and felt so dull because I had moment of my life where I felt "stuck", I could not continue my life pathway, realize my dreams and goals. They seemed for me impossible or too far away or I had no idea how to continue my life and my pathway where I am approaching. It's like being stuck in game. Everyone has the moment of being stuck.
And so much of frustration how you can't reach your goals and dreams. At some point, I found some photographs of old rusty stations and articles about ghetto areas which out of curiousity I naturally read about them. Then I had a very deep dream at night, very realistic where I was there on very dark areas at twilight hour where I found a new inspiration. With strange events, in my mind there was building desire to see that place so badly and do photography of that style
. where I googled a bit and found the name "oh, so it's called the Bronx
I was in myself unexpectly dreaming to see the Bronx and that kind areas, but I was quite surprised or maybe ashamed because why the hell I would be interested in that kind of areas so much. Why not the wild mountains and crazy miracles of nature? It's something unexpected of me! To everyone with whom I shared about it, everyone just naturally poked at my head and did long lectures that I should quit thinking about it, even my friend from that area said.
I really wanted to see that different world. To photograph, see and experience and why it is like that and feel in life of the citizens of that area- and feel the breaking light there.
Amongst my large and main dreams and goals, main travel destinations and so on I found a little spot for unexpected my small dream to see the Bronx. It wasn't that much important as the bigger ones to complete but a little thing was in my heart. But I had no idea how to plan this travel, fund and realize since I have more important matters to do and realize (yet, I still was frustrated because there was still too long way and I felt stuck to make any step up with my main goals in the life).
So suddenly I got invited by my friend to New York who lives in Brooklyn which I have not seen her for quite long time- the first thing came to my mind, is the Bronx. Wow, that could actually happen for real?
I felt that much excitement like I was realizing my big/main dream/goal, but wait
! Nope, maybe I should skip, not waste money, time and energy for it, also I have take care a lot with problems which are occurring me. I should drop it and save it for my more important matters- it's a small thing to do after all. But I didn't give up and I flew there. But that kind of thoughts were battling with me.
And so it has happened, after exploring and learning being used to NYC life, I went up through Harlem to Broxn (it wasn't easy to get there!) and
. it happened for real. I stood there for real where I was dreaming about and imagining myself being there through watching pictures.
I felt a huge happiness in myself, inspiration, new ways and new passion. A small, unexpected goal can have so overwhelming feelings as the big, main dreams.
So, to make short final conclusion:
Small goals, steps, unexpected ones and dreams are quite often neglected by over thinking that big goals should be absolutely not neglected and must be aimed and invested forward. We take too forward way to big ones. But when we can't realize them or approach, or move on our long pathway to our main goals we feel so frustrated and worthless that we don't deserve anything if we can't reach- and there emotional spiral is coming down which causes and raises within us low esteem thinking and personalities.
Or lacking for any goals, inspiration and anything, we tend to not seeking for anything and staying in comfort zones.
Big goals and dreams are usually "unreachable" in way that the pathway is quite long and marking it, without learning how to complete goals will make it unreachable for real.
To reach goals, we need to learn it. So we start from taking small goals and especially unexpected ones- if that happens, try to not neglect it because "wait, that isnt my goal, i have more important ones and I shouldn't waste for it" but take that opportunity and more importantly, feel within it. After we take in game to reach that goal, the pathway to it and completing a goal is quite overwhelming and happy, life flowing feeing is amazing- and here we find new passions, directions or even omens to find our main goal and heck, new goals which may overplace our main ones.
Main ones which are so unreachable, might not work for us and maybe that wasn't our true dream. By those small ones, we find more about ourselves.
We train to reach it, feel it, walk though the pathway and finding in ourselves and we become better in finding passions, dreams and goals- and realizing, reaching to big ones. For example, going to the Bronx doesn't mean that I'll find drugs, rap lifestyle, gangstas and so on (because that is the first thing what you'll think about) but a photojournalism I found there which again, Bronx as an opposite to my main goals, gave me new directions and doors to realize my pathway to my main goals, it's like... sometimes very opposite/reverse places (goals) may have grand connection to our main ones. Isn't that strange?
Bronx really taught me a lot, maybe more than if I would go to onto well known Japan/China travels. Maybe it gave me more connections.
That's how I learned small things are sometimes more important than big and main things which we want. And sometimes we need to take a reverse road.
Very unexpected travels, destinations or goals do help us more to find new inspirations and dreams. Sometimes we need to take an opposite road. Like if you dream to see beautiful, peaceful nature, away from the civilization to the Jungle or arctic- sometimes we need to take an opposite route like slums and civilization destruction to find in ourselves. Or another example of mine, in the longer past, I always dreamt to have a horse and be horse rider. But I could never have it happened because so many things were not working right and so frustrating, made me more upset about life but I let humility to come first in myself and took a break from it- then we got a dog first. I didn't like a dog, because I loved horses more, but after I let myself to take break from frustrating feelings that I can't continue my passion with horses- here I found my new passion and much better for myself, mushing passion starting from a very small goal to train my dog to become sporting dog. Now I am musher and I love it more than anything.
Clinging so hardly to our one goal, main goal which grants more negative emotions than positive is a sign that it wasn't destined for us or we need to take a different route. Sometimes it comes back, though but in a lot better way.
Full article with my photograph about NYC and experience with the Bronx will come some day. The photo is not my courtesy (from the press) since yet I have to prepare mine.