Ad astra per aspera

Ahh, the closer comes to my Birthday, the more I feel nervous!

I don't plan anything crazy on my birthday. I'll just keep it modest, simple, without any expectations and mostly I'll focus on myself- on what I really want and set up my goals.  Then I'll focus more on apartment hunting...
And maybe have a beer with Arkelion and Caroline   

Lately I've had quite inspiring discussion with inspiring people about how today we live with conviction about  our dreams, especially the ones from childhood are stupid and how our dreamt goals are lower in the hierarchy where usually the top things as main focus in mainstream lifestyle are i.e. normal job (usually not what we wanted to do/pressured by society), getting a lover and then make a family- where at the end we never have time to do what we really wanted to do in our hearts, we feel somehow unhappy and so on. We are trained and manipulated to put down our true goals in order to serve the economic world and follow what is easy/known for us. And to laugh at people who want to pursue their dreams. Tell others that "hey, you should be a lawyer" than letting them (and accepting, or even supporting..!) to choose what they want.
And why we cant realize our dream is not about possibilities that are required to fulfill the Eclipse (the goal ), but the real issue is to break out from the "system" - where it requires really, really, really strong will to break out from what we have been fed with fake beliefs, doubts and pressure by society (i.e. give up on that! you cant get job! Get life, reality is sad, life is not fantasy! Be a lawyer/doctor etc. because it's real job and main reason to live! Or laughing family at you… etc. etc.) That once again, require lots of faith, inner strenght and peace in yourself.
To overcome all doubts that you have been fed with.
The whole set of "bad", iron codes in your subconsciousness is usually main reason.
Self doubt.
Believing others what they say, following others than listening yourself.
That is really very difficult road to overcome.


Recently I've got quite inspired by Paul Bragiel - I think some people heard about him- a man who realizes crazy, very impossible his dreams. Dreams from his childhood. The most powerful dreams of what we want to achieve in our lives are the ones from childhood because while being in state of child, our mind used to be more pure and clear (with "what I want") before we are brought, manipulated into the society and it's "values". As you have probably noticed, the dreams from childhood usually get vanished quite fast from the pressure by society/adults(oh, the greeeeeaaaat adultsss. I'm older than ya, so you gotta hear me!) and at the end you think "My dream from childhood? Naaaaah it's stupid. Everybody was laughing so maybe I should focus on reality/I cant do that, my friends/teachers/parents said that i cant, it's worthless and I should be focusing on gaining perfect scores from school". 
I have a great story of my unusual dream... which I completely scratched it. Someday I'll tell about this for you guys.

Anyway, back to Paul- if anybody haven't heard about him, I highly recommend to read his story. That real story is very motivating. It's about strong will and his self motivation with pursuing his dreams. And also failures and moments of doubt- that we all experience this.  _{Like when we experience the moments of doubt, how come that we tend retreating very quickly, even from trying? These moments are far more powerful than motivating ones, even it can lead us to completely give up on our dreams and what we really want.}
By this, we also become more open to people, finding better understanding between, respectful and become more kind.

Despise I have many dreams and goals what I want to do whilst I'm very passionate with life and stubborn- but I'll admit that I have many and many difficulties with realizing my dreams. I am very aware of that and mostly it's laying… in my head, in my doubtful part in my subconsciousness. I've been fed with shit that "oh you can't do that" for years, and so, I have hard time to break up this. Mostly it's coming from social problems with people, where I had typical social anxiety and… do you know where my social anxiety came?
It came when at age 4 years old at awful preschool I was forced to eat eggs which I terribly hated, I threw up there and it was awful experience. It gave me gross memories of being in schools. From this it created my eating system to be very complicated (I'm extremely picky what I eat) and even social issues with people at schools! The whole psychological pattern has happened in my subconsciousness by certain events when I was really yoing
Social and self anxiety is a huge set of complicated signals in your minds, such like mishaped perception about others, the outer world (often hostile) and most importantly, inner self- and setting many barriers in order.. "hey, I need to defend myself!!"
Luckily I've straighted out many wrong codes in my subconsciousness but… I still have a lot, lot to do, lol. 


Okay, to be back on topic- here is a great example of situation on devART society here:
 I can't stand how strangers on DA are bothering to demotivate other aspiring people's dreams, especially the younger ones. I hear a situation… this xxx artist wants to work in Disney with their cartoony style- and that's common situation, where people really tend bullying artists because they dream to be Disney illustrator. OK, often their skills aren't enough good to be in Disney but by comparing, laughing and telling this xxx artist that doesn't deserve to be in Disney and they should get something else- in my opinion, it's quite wrong.
Even as doubtful it sounds, always let them to dream about.  It's very, very important when young artists have dreams, even if they are too funny. Let them to carry on this dream and LET them to find out on THEIR OWN if it will work or no. 
Because by the behaviour of society, whether it's in school, irl, DA or on internet, depriving their dreams completely strikes out their chances to try out. And by that we are being raised within this hostile pressure, it also bounces back to people who focused on demotivating others. 
After dArama- because this artist wanted to be at Disney, was made fun and bullied- it usually causes to strike those artist's chances of just trying.
Better situation would be if they'd strike out their chances at attempts of really trying working at Disney than… just by society.
Unfortunately the most of people's dreams are scratched by society and it's pressure, even without getting any chances to make big steps to approach it.


That's why also… people very often laugh at artists that they shouldn't focus on art but get real job which is doctor/lawyer/whatever social mainstream pressures you to do than what you want to do.


At the end, no matter what is dream/goal/passion etc. even the wild, crazy ones or unbelieveable, how come the major society has tendency to demotivate people from pursuing dreams? Why it is very hard to support someone?
Maybe it's that we don't want to feel "worse" when our friend or even stranger is achieving dreams?


No matter what, I am sticking in doing on what I love . I'll say also, the effort to achieve dream is as twice or more hard as the effort of leading normal, mainstream lifestyle. But I prefer to struggle, suffer and startve, but to reach to the stars. My most favourite quote is "through difficulties to the stars" and it depicts my life pathway. It's really, really hard!
I thank everybody who supported me with my dreams, goals and always motivated me. I hope this will return to you, my friends!


Oh and what I want on Birthday?

- Lucky Charms!!