General Update

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A few months ago I've finished my work as a photographer at Sony, I've realized how photography became so important for me and a rewarding experience. After finishing my work, I had some solid plan and I knew where to take a next step in my life and for that I've been really struggling- but what life has shown on my face (literally slapped my face!), that's not gonna happen. My whole road which I shaped in my life didn't work and suddenly threw me out of it. I feel like I'm standing in middle of nowhether. It left me with a question mark, not really knowing what I should do. I mean, I surely know what I want to do in my life but I don't know where to take steps or I can't see the road. It becomes very demotivating. That's not an unusual thing, I met many wise people around here and that's what a lot of young people experience at student's age. A lot of genius people started like that, having a cloudy and blurred vision on their personal road. And I think that's what I am experiencing strongly it right now.

Onto less fortunate things, I had uneasy time during the Fall, where I had very sharp downhill with my health situation, even it was on the edge at life threatening risk. What takes me more of energy, is the recovery from setback. I feel like I wasted a lot of time for that, as well even more for recovery, missed important opportunities and "hey, I should be doing other stuff!". That also includes my low activity with art in result. But I shouldn't be thinking like that, blaming myself too much but focus on fixing my quality of life and meantime, I think we've found a cure for me. Whole thing has leaded me onto something new where I've became part of DNA club on a field of biotechnology treatments (in psychology area), where I've met a lot of wise people which has helped me to motivate myself (while your energy is drained out on fighting, your mental aspect is also feeling drained too!) to get out from a "hole" which... I digged a damn deep one- both literally and not!

Recently I'm doing really annoying, time consuming (isn't it? is? right?!) apartment hunting to find a place for myself. Indeed, I had a solid plan and was sure to live in USA, but well... what I've experienced, it's not going to work especially after very rough time when I was in states on spring time. Oh well. 

I have literal weird tendency when I feel drained out, lost and down, I tend making a "temple" of blankets in my room and hide inside lol.

Anyway, it gave me a lot of thinking about photography. Despite that I'm done with my job, I still have lots of tasks related with it to do where at the end of day it leaves me in frustration that I haven't done much of art but that stuff took, again, most of my time! But that's not the most important part but the experience when I do photographs. It's the process of making. And the result of sharing. When you share photographs, more people feel it's beauty, are willing to talk and make bonds with (you) than art. Art that is created through your imagination, is a world where usually artists understand- especially yourself. By myself I have uneasy time sharing MY world for other people via art. It's my world that not many people understand it and I prefer to keep it to myself. Art is more or less, like a closed boundary while photography is an opposite. With photography, I get my equipment and go into the real world field- it feels like I'm physically in the world of art! I treat real life as great form of art that we experience. I move, breathe in my fresh air, experience, get involved in dangers/or stressful people, observe, interact with people... to be photographer, especially reporter is where you are involved in any aspect of the world whether you're witnessing a sled dog race on -40C temperature, trying to save your freezing fingers or witnessing an event of enraged rebellions. You learn a lot about the world. Also it's healthier for your physical body because you move, survive, your muscles/organism function and breathe with fresh air and lots of reactions that are vital to your brain- at least I belong to people who can't stand to sit on the desk for the most days. I found myself understanding much better than in a closed world as an illustrator. Regardless, still creating art is an amazing excerise of your imagination and still so important, and shouldn't be neglected- because art which is created from imaginary world can take us on another level where no photography or anything can grant it. I've been thinking to blend both photography and illustrated fantasy art together... I don't know how, but time will show the result.

That's why, I've been involved more in photography- not only as a career or form of art but another level of self-discovery and understaing the world better. When I say this, I don't think that photography is solution or better form of creating, but that works for me the best- and may people find other stuff to be better for them or not, depending on personalities. But I'd like to encourage people trying new mediums, such like photography was out of blue for me. I'd never expect to go with that direction! Just I tried it out.... ^^

I hope you guys are doing well! And, I am sorry for lacking art activity! 

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monochromera's avatar
my goodness! so much to take in ;o;
I am glad to hear you're getting better at self motivation and are finding solutions to things, and may your health take a turn for the better! I am also thrilled to hear of this new insight into photography vs. illustration, as honestly, I'd never thought of it like that before; it was quite eye-opening! I also wish you the best of luck in finding a home, and a pathway in this stage of life, though I am confident you'll make your way through these situations quite well, with the guidance of the wise folk around you, and your skill and knowledge to further it
oh, and may your career in photography continue to bring you happiness :>